So, I have been struggling with all kinds of emotions and I have decided that in order to heal I need to communicate my feelings. Why the blog and not a journal? Not sure. Maybe this will help someone out there that needs help more than me. And maybe I won't feel so alone. You never see someone on Facebook post "Second miscarriage-this sucks" or "I hate blighted ovums".
It's my second pregnancy (I miscarried at 9 weeks on Dec. 2nd) and I'm 10 weeks along and waiting... and waiting to miscarry yet again. I went in for a sonogram 2 weeks ago and there wasn't a heartbeat and we could only see a black sac. I had my levels checked- I went from 3,000 to 20,000. Which isn't normal due to what the sonogram showed. I went in again last week and it was confirmed again that nothing had changed. Was told that this miscarry will be a blighted ovum. If nothing changes then I will have to have a D&C on Friday. Based on how I feel I'm pretty sure something will happen by Friday.
I ask myself why me? My family has no problems with having children (I don't even need to mention John's side). Should I have not of waited until we were ready? Am I getting punished for something I did? How many times will I have to go thru the pain? I ask myself these questions and I know there isn't any answers. All I can do is pray and have others pray for us.
Love, Julie
"For I know the plans I have you says the Lord, they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope". ~Jeremiah 29:11~
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5 comments:
It is definitely not fair! Stay strong! We are thinking of and praying for you!
Julie, it is so not your fault and you are not getting punished but I understand these feelings of guilt more than most. It sucks. And I wonder alot too how come its just me who's having the trouble with concieving. Its not fair and I wish that I had the answers for why this is happening. Just know that you are not alone. If you need to chat shoot me an email or give me a call. Sometimes its a lonely road to walk and if you need someone who understands Im here. (((BIG HUGS)))
I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. I just wanted you to know that we are thinking about you and John and praying for you. Love, Susan
I believe God has a plan for each and everyone of us, but wouldn't it be nice if he shared it with us sometimes :) Praying for you Jules...we need margaritas, asap!
Kind of nice to read your blog. I had the same feelings about starting mine and sharing such personal pain with the world. I think it keeps me writing, which keeps me healing. Know that I'm thinking of you & John and miss you. Hope you can make it to Austin next month!
Love,
Wendy
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